Relationship And Marriage Problems

Relating to, and/or being intimate with, another person can be very satisfying and can help us establish and maintain good mental health.  At other times these relationships can be very difficult and destructive.

Most people, probably like you, are managing many relationships on an ongoing basis--relationships with a loved one, with children, other family members, friends, work relationships, and a romantic relationship. Each of these relationships can be a source of love, pleasure, support and excitement; however they can also be a source of grief and anguish if they are heading in an unhealthy direction. Each of our relationships has its demands and potential problems and each has the potential to influence the way we feel at any given time. 

Regardless of the cause, distress in a relationship can lead to many problems including codependency, loneliness, stress, fear, depression and anxiety just to mention a few.  If you are having ongoing problems in any of your relationships, there is help available. The earlier you seek help the better since an earlier, rather than later, intervention will prevent the problem(s) from getting worse. 

Relationship problems sometimes arise because we never learned what to do or not to do, or problems arise because we have lost touch with our instinctive good sense and have become over-anxious about the relationship. Maybe you have lost your own self-respect and sense of our personal worth, or have had unfortunate experiences in past relationships and have temporarily lost your ability to trust, or maybe you have unrealistic expectations about what you should be getting from, or giving to, a relationship.

Here are some helpful things to keep in mind when you have a relationship problem:

· People are in relationships with one another for all kinds of reasons. While most of the time it's our closest relationships that cause us the most stress, even the most casual relationships with others can affect the way we feel about a situation or about ourselves. Understanding your own role in a relationship, learning to sustain healthy relationships, and choosing to end (or not enter) unhealthy ones, are skills that can be learned but often take time and practice.

· There are two sides in every relationship. When things are going poorly, remember that the other person has his or her own story about what is happening, and that story makes sense to him or her too. Resolving a relationship problem frequently requires each person coming to understand the other's perspective and, whenever possible, doing what it takes to bring the relationship back into a respectful balance. 

· People in successful relationships need to accept individual differences and not try to force others to be someone they are not.

· People need to get rid of the expectation that someone else will solve all our problems or meet all our need. No one relationship can give you everything that you need. Likewise, you cannot be the sole support for someone else. It takes some careful balancing to manage multiple relationships in a healthy manner.

· Get clear about what you believe the problem to be. Sometimes a person is not sure why they are upset, but know something is wrong or is missing.

· Each person in the relationship has their own set of needs, dreams, expectations and goals which they need to be aware of, and need to be able to express to others. Unstated expectations can be problematic. People in relationship (e.g. friends, lovers, partners, parents, and children) often have different ideas about what the nature of the relationship is, or different expectations about what it takes to keep it healthy. It is better to know where the differences of opinion, expectations, or needs are, rather than to operate on inaccurate assumptions.

· A successful relationship needs to focus on the present and not repeatedly pick over past events or focus on unrealistic future events.

· Asking for help is okay, and sometimes necessary. If a relationship is valuable and you are having difficulty finding a solution, ask for help.

No matter the cause, distress in a relationship can lead to many problems including codependency, stress, unhappiness, depression, fear, and anxiety.   You may hope your relationship troubles just go away on their own, but a troubled relationship may only worsen.

In helping my clients I have found that there are many treatment strategies available to help a person, couple, or family who is having relationship problems. These strategies include individual psychotherapy, counseling, personal coaching, mediation, couples counseling, and family therapy. All of these strategies can help resolve conflicts, help heal wounds, and put a relationship back on a healthy track and help keep it positive.

Tackling problems early is important since the longer a problem is left unresolved, the harder it usually is to resolve. Improving a relationship can start with the individual and, if possible, extend to the other person(s) in the relationship. If at least one person is clear and reasoned about what they want and more consistent about how they ask for it, the whole relationship can begin to be put on a healthier foundation.

In romantic and intimate relationships, working with both partners may be necessary. You and your significant other need to understand that each of you have your own set of needs, expectations, hopes and dreams.  You need to be aware of these and be able to express them to each other.  Unstated expectations can be a real problem. You and your partner may have different ideas about what the nature of your relationship is and different thoughts and feelings regarding what it takes to keep the relationship active and healthy.

Marriage or couples counseling can help you rebuild and strengthen your relationship. Or the counseling may help you decide that you both will be better off if you drastically alter or end the relationship. Couples, marriage, and family counseling can give you the tools to communicate better, negotiate differences, problem solve, love and even argue in a healthier way. 

I have been able to help my clients change, rebuild, and strengthen their relationships with loved ones or help them to determine if they should end the relationship.  Couples, marriage, family and individual counseling can give you the understanding, tools and techniques to communicate better, negotiate differences, solve problems, love and even fight in a healthier way.  Asking for help is often difficult but sometimes necessary. If a relationship is valuable and you are having difficulty, help can be just a call away.

Treatment can be short term, often helping you in only a few sessions to get through a crises or specific problem, or you may need counseling over a longer period of time, particularly if your relationship has greatly deteriorated.

For more information about relationship, couples, family and/or intimacy problems, please click on the linked websites listed below.

If you really want help dealing with your feelings and emotions, changing your behavior, and improving your life and the approach and office hours of typical therapists and counselors do not fit your life style or personal needs, I may have a solution.

By using very flexible office appointments, telephone consultations, email, teleconferences, and the willingness to travel and meet with you personally in your home, office, or other location, I can be available to help you anytime and anywhere.

Feel free to contact me now for your free initial consultation. Once you become an existing client, you will be given a pager number where you can reach me whenever you need.